


Longing

by AceLucky



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Awkwardness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Kissing, Love, M/M, Romance, Ultimatums, emotional tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8754406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: Quatre had the means to secure pretty much anything he wanted in life, but he was afraid he was unable to obtain the only thing that mattered. He longed for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ivorybyrd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivorybyrd/gifts).



> Written after being given the prompt, "Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I’ll never leave you again." I loved writing this, it's been a while since I've written anything for the GW fandom and I love the pairing 3x4 so this was a joy to write.

The kisses were less frequent, Quatre had been calculating in his mind how long this had been going on for. The problem? They had never really established what this was, he had no idea what Trowa was doing when he was apart from him. They lived together, but the other man was often out for long hours, did he just need space, was he sleeping with other men, or even women, behind his back? 

And there it was, that phrase, behind his back, could that really be what it was if they were yet to call themselves official? If this was a casual ‘friends with benefits’ situation then Trowa had every right to do whatever he pleased, Quatre didn’t own him. This realisation made him chuckle softly, with all the riches he had he was able to acquire nearly anything his heart desired, but none of that mattered when it couldn't grant him access to the heart of the one he loved. 

Quatre remembered when it had started, it was clumsy and terrible and sweet and just about the greatest day of his life. When he told one of his sisters about it he was all tears and sweetness. The world was lonely, space was even worse, but his love for the two grew each day. Despite war he knew there was no much to live for and hope for, Quatre, always nonplussed about sharing great experiences with others had never known a love this strong.

He had seen such great, tremendous sites and often alone. But when seeing a waterfall breaking through snow and ice, or a blood red moon, or wolves in a desert or the most perfect sunrise, Quatre had never wished for another to be with him witnessing that same moment. Now there was Trowa, now he knew Trowa and was aware of the other’s ability to make him feel whole again, he felt he could never appreciate another great view without him. That was when he knew it was love, that was when he knew he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer, to know love was to change, to mould, to bring out the best parts of yourself and build on them with another. The thought of witnessing some other great and beautiful landscape alone terrified him. 

He heard the front door slam, the familiar sound of of Trowa’s boots walking towards him and the rustle of shopping bags. 

“Evening,” Trowa said as he came into the large living room where Quatre was sat. 

“Been up to much?” Quatre asked nonchalantly as Trowa removed his boots and walked back out to the hallway and placed them neatly on the wooden shoe rack. 

Trowa said nothing at first, just turned to him and gave him a smallest shake of his head, “The usual,” he shrugged.

Quatre pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, he wanted to say something in response but couldn’t think of the words. 

“Fair enough.” Quatre smiled, bright blue eyes threatening to overspill in a pool of tears.

But what did fair enough mean? It was one of those stupid phrases that people used all the time when they couldn't think of anything better to say. It was another word for ‘okay’ but with a little more agreement, a little more enthusiasm, or was it? Was it a little passive aggressive? 

Overwhelming despair cascaded over him, Trowa had said he was doing the usual, they lived together they kissed, they cuddled on the sofa whilst watching Twin Peaks, they sometimes fucked. But Quatre had no idea what the usual meant, what was Trowa doing when he was so far from him? Quatre had never been so close to someone physically but felt further away from them metaphorically and spiritually. 

Quatre turned back to his papers on the desk, he meticulously rearranged them, the books, the lamp, his empty coffee mug, the terrarium full of succulents and a small mouse skull that Trowa had given him. He moved things as a coping mechanism, a simple distraction to mislead Trowa into thinking everything was okay. 

Quatre felt hands on his shoulders, massaging him gently, Trowa bent down and kissed his cheek, “Is everything okay?” He asked quietly. 

Quatre looked up and smiled, he rubbed under his eyes shifting his glasses a little in an attempt to disguise the tears that were forming. 

“Yeah just sleepy.” Quatre replied. 

“Let me get you some tea,” Trowa picked up the cup. “What would you like?”

Quatre thought for a moment, he needed a tea that matched how he was feeling right now, “Lady Grey,” he gave a small smile.

“Trowa,” he reached out for one of the other mans hands and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently whilst he looked into Trowa’s eyes. This was a test Quatre felt, most of their affection was shown in the bedroom, otherwise it was interactions that may occur between two friends, but doing this now he would gauge Trowa’s reaction. 

Trowa stared at him, stony eyed, “The shopping will defrost,” he pulled away abruptly.

“Of course,” Quatre asked, his eyes had glassed over, the blood drained from his face. As Trowa disappeared his hands started to shake. He tried to put pen to paper but was shaking too much to control his writing. 

He heard the kettle whistle, heard Trowa rummage around in the kitchen and a minute later he reappeared with a hot cup of lady grey. 

“Thank you,” Quatre whispered. 

“Here, I got you some carrot cake too, I know it you’re fave,” he placed the plate down next to the books and smiled warmly.

Quatre’s heart pulled, what was Trowa trying to do to him? He was blowing hot and cold, the mixed messages were unbearable.

He put the cup to his lips and inhaled the earthy, orange blossom before sipping, knowing it was far too hot to drink yet. 

Trowa’s arm shot forward, “Quatre,” he said with some desperation. 

Quatre sipped the burning liquid, tears stinging his eyes. He placed the cup down on the table and stared at it, he picked up the spoon at that had been on the side plate and started to stir it slowly. He brought it up to his face and stared at his blurry reflection. 

“It’s far to hot to drink!” Trowa exclaimed and went to take the cup away from him.

“I know…” Quatre said, “Look, I can't do this okay,” Quatre broke, the spoon fell to the floor. 

Trowa slowly looked up to meet Quatre’s eye line, “What?” His voice was trembling just a little as he spoke. 

“The not knowing, the lack of communication, there’s nothing here, I…” He was lost for words, this was too difficult. 

Trowa approached the blonde with caution he reached out a hand to him, “Quatre, I’m sorry, you know what I get like when there’s stuff going-“

Quatre turned away recoiling his hand as he did, “No…I…what stuff is going on?” He turned back, visibly crying now, “I don’t know what stuff is going on, we don’t take about it ever, I don’t know where I stand with you at all.” 

Trowa stood in front of Quatre, placed his hands on his head and pulled his head into his chest and held him tightly. “Quatre…” he said softly as one of his hands went up to the others head and stroked his hair.

“You know I love being here right? You know I love…” he couldn't quite finish the sentence.

Quatre was choked up on his tears, his arms flung round Trowa’s back and he squeezed him, “I hope so,” he said through broken sobs.

“I promise you… you know what I’m like, quiet, reserved,” he pulled back so he could look at Quatre.

Quatre nodded, “I know, I just don’t think my heart can take it if anything-“ he broke off.

“I know it’s not good enough, my excuses, but I promise you Quatre I am not going anywhere, unless.” he paused and brushed away the other’s tears. 

“Tell me to go and I will, but if you ask me to stay I’ll never leave you again.”

Quatre stared dumbfounded for a moment and then stood up on shaky legs, “Trowa…”

Trowa smiled, “I always assumed we were arranging that perfect duet to perform in front of grand kids one day.”

Quatre grinned unable to believe the words he was hearing come from the other’s mouth, so Trowa was serious? All the worrying was more than likely a product of where he was used to spending so much time alone with his thoughts. 

Quatre nodded, “Okay, stay.” 

Trowa grabbed Quatre’s collar and pulled it up so Quatre was forced to go onto tip-toes less than an inch from his face, “Kiss me damnit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Any feedback is greatly appreciated as always.


End file.
